I Am
4 November 2006
These monthly devotionals we have are quite amazing. Each month people interested in spiritual formation gather one Saturday per month and give time to the Lord and allow Him to speak into our lives. The living God has much to say to us, and with quite obedience and patience- He will speak! This did this day, and I will never forget it...
For this particular month, it came to me that I needed a small dark place to prostrate myself. The laundry room seemed to be perfect. Just waiting; kneeling, silence, and waiting. Then I began to think of Turkey. Geographically it looks a lot like a chicken... or a right hand. Isaiah 49:16 came to mind. There was enough light to read my bible, but what stuck out to me was actually the verse before it.
"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast
and have no compassion on the child she
has borne?
Though she may forget,
I will not forget you!"
Isaiah 49:15 NIV
Though Turkey doesn't worship the living God, He will not forget the nation! So I began to weep, and even moan. It was something like that which wanted to come out of my diaphram. Hold back your wrath on this country, and may they all turn back and give You your due praise!
During our time of devotion, we were concentrating in petition prayers. After the moaning subsided, I lifted up and petitioned to the Lord the things on my heart and mind. As I was petitioning, I requested the Lord to teach, show, and reveal to me what it means to die.
"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds."
John 12:24 NIV
Don't you want to produce many seeds?!? I sure do! So for the past couple of months I have been searching and asking the Lord what it means to die. As I was petitioning to Him, He spoke to me in an audible voice, "I am." What does that mean? I am? You are what... Then it all made sense. Over the past month God has in fact been showing me what it means to die. It's a very slow process, well at least it is to me.
See, when a seed falls to the ground it still takes a bit of time for the seed to decompose, completely be dead, and the come up to become a tiny little shoot before one day in the distant future it becomes a fruit bearing tree. What the Lord told me is that I am currently in the decomposing portion of the dying process.
Father, help me let go of what's keeping me of this world, that I might become more and more of the kingdom of which You are Lord of...
Break Me
15 October 2006
A relatively normal Sunday morning service at my home church, but such a special time of intimacy with the living God!
We sing worship songs during the beginning and towards the end of each service. During the song right after the message given by our head pastor, a word came to me from the Lord, "BREAK". At first I didn't know what this word meant, but with a little bit of time and more listening, I began to pray this word back onto God...
"Father, break me! Break my mind and give me a new one. Break my heart and take the dreams of my soul. Break my visions that they once again would come from You. Break my sins that I would be as clean as snow. Break my family, that they might bear fruit that lasts. Break my finances that all my trust would come from You. Break my house, that my shelter comes from You. Break my future, that Your light is what I seek. Father, break all of me. Break me completely. Break me!"
At the start of these prayers, I was standing and quite calm. During and then towards the end of this time of personal conversation with the living God, I was sitted and completely bawling- also known as 'the ugly cry'! There was tangible pain in my heart. It must be something like this. God sees this life giving stream flowing freshly, but this tree (myself) is currently planted a bit aways from the life giving stream. God without having to think twice, uproots and replants this tree closer to the living stream. No brainer from God's point of view. From the tree's point of view, it is extremely painful and emotionally draining. This is a bit of how I felt while praying back the word "break" onto God.
Thanks be to our all-knowing Father who sees and does what's best for all of us. May I, as well as you, continue to lift ALL areas of our lives into His hands that He might break them into a whole, new, and fruit-bearing creation. For His glory always...
I Will Do It
8 July 2006
It's only been a handful of months since I really started to learn and practice the art of meditation, lately it seems like I'm able to fall into the state of complete idleness in the hands of the Lord faster and faster. This particular month in our Devotional Formation group was the second time the Lord spoke to me- audibly.
Since meditation is still a little new to me, it takes a long time for me to allow my mind to rest and not race with the activities and thoughts of the present. With 1.5 hours designated to meditation, I figured I'd just take my time. I went upstairs and closed my eyes...
There were many burdens on my heart. Instead of suppressing them, I figured I'd just voice them as prayers to God, getting them all out of my system so that I could be quiet to hear from the Lord after I was finished. The attitude I had while I was praying was like that of a little man (that's me) following the heels of a huge man (God). Imagine me following God holding a clipboard with request after request, mainly for the country of Turkey.
Before I am able to get my first request in, in the vision I had in my head, God turns around, holds out His hand, and says (audibly!!!) to me, "I will do it." Those were the four words that God the Father lovingly spoke to me, only for the second time. At this point, I had my eyes closed for only 2 minutes!
Am I trusting the leading of God? Yes. Am I trusting that God has the completion of His kingdom under His control? No. As I was mentally following Jesus, it was like I was reminding Him to not forget so-and-so. To remember this ministry and that ministry. To bless that country and this country... Jesus is already filled with compassion and emotionally longs for those people to know Him, those ministries to produce fruit that will last, and that the ends of the Earth will be kneeling and giving Him praise- from the heavens.
It isn't about the quantity of alone time with Jesus. It's all about the quality. Here's the tip; sometimes it takes a large quantity of time in order to find the quality time to be with Jesus. In this case, within 2 minutes, Jesus revealed what I needed to trust Him with- His kingdom!!! Afterwards, I felt like my time of solid meditation was complete and I just worshipped Him in song and praise for the next hour!
Similar to the first time Jesus spoke to me ("release"), these four words "I-will-do-it" point straight to Jesus. As I have learned, may you remember Jesus is the heart of the matter. May you trust that Jesus will do it, and that He is moved from the gut far more than you can imagine, over the things that tickle your heart. May our faith grow, to lean on the fact that God has the perfect plan that will unfold for a standing ovation, and that He will do it.
Release
4 February 2006
Meditation is an important discipline in the Christian faith. I'm just discovering what mediation is and only having the faith as large as a mustard seed that I'm "good enough" to meditate and to hear from God.
On this particular Saturday morning, during my daily prayer time with a friend, I closed my prayer by demanding that God would speak audibly to me- today!!! After the words left my mouth, I wanted to take them back because I didn't think I had the faith to demand such a thing from God. Luckily, He knew better...
After some worship and light sharing within our monthly Devotional Formation group, I slipped into 1 hour of silence. Well the goal was silence when in actuality my mind was racing. For the first 45 minutes, my mind wouldn't stop with all the great things that were going on in my life. Just when I looked at my watch and figured that it was useless to try to hear from God in the last 15 minutes, He spoke to me. Just as I was about to give up, I let down my guard which is when God decided to interrupt my monologue.
So how do I know that God spoke audibly to me...? Sitting down and setting into a trance of complete silence and stillness, my left ear began to burn. It was only one word that I heard... RELEASE. My eyes popped open! "Did I just hear what I thought I heard?" were the thoughts to myself. The prayer from the morning! It was answered that afternoon! God did really speak to me audibly!
I jumped up and started pumping my fists! The awesome creator of the universe came down and spoke to me! What a gift. Then a disappointing thought came to me- what does 'release' mean? The answer to this question wasn't answered in the next 15 minutes, but two weeks later.
Through much prayer and spending time in the word, I came to realize that 'release' had to do with my spiritual disciplines. I prided myself with my regular bible reading in the morning, word-perfect scripture memorization, tithes and offerings, and commitment to bible study. There was even some pridefulness within me regarding the passion to become a missionary and serve the Lord in Turkey. These are all good things, but the Lord humbled me by making it very clear that I am to release my grip on those disciplines and get back to the heart of the matter- Jesus!
Daily I am still keeping up with the disciplines faithfully, though I am reminded that I need to release them to the foot of the cross. May the blood of Jesus wash over all my thoughts, actions, and plans that they might not rob any of the glory that is due to the name of Jesus.
It was revealed to me that I am to release things in my life that keep me from the real thing- Jesus. I implore you to also release the things in your life that hinder your raw and pure worship to the only King, our Lord Jesus.